No One Belongs Here More Than You

Why, after a worship service concluded, when the few or many congregants had trooped through the exit door to “greet the pastor,” did I only remember that one?

That person did not like the sermon. And yet, all of the other encounters at the door were compliments or friendly chitchat. Nine of ten, or ninety-nine of the hundred, as they headed for the parking lot and home, paused for a handshake, a hug, or offered a smile with:

  • Good sermon, Larry.
  • It was what I needed to hear today, pastor!
  • You were speaking just to me.
  • I never thought about that verse in that way before.
  • Don’t forget the trustees meeting on Tuesday.
  • I like your tie.

I would mumble a thanks, likely nodded and grinned, and maybe asked about an ill family member or the recent birth of a grandchild. On every Sunday, I sought to be attentive to each departing person who had worshipped with me only moments before.

Then that one person arrived. And said,

I was offended when you slammed the church.

He was a retired pastor, once a United Methodist district superintendent. A visitor that day, he apparently hadn’t liked one of my sermon stories about the foibles of church business. He was irked. (And possibly irked before entering the sanctuary.) After letting me know how insensitive I was, he strode away.

God says homosexuality is a sin. Don’t you know that?

Early in my ministry, in the bygone days of Ronald Reagan and AIDS and rampant fear (or hatred) of all gays, anywhere and everywhere, there would be the occasional statement made about how stupid I was to claim the Bible said next to nothing about homosexuality. Even when I was right, I was wrong.

How dare you say that the Christmas story is a myth!

Hadn’t I done a good job of explaining the lack of historical proof for any census by the Roman Empire? Hadn’t I thoughtfully explained the symbolism of the wise men’s gifts? Hadn’t I stressed that each of us have different paths for our beliefs and interpretations and no one—not even the preacher—had the singular, correct view about Jesus’ birth?

Most of the critical comments in all the churches I served, like the majority of compliments, were fairly neutral:

  • Didn’t get it, pastor.
  • I wish you’d speak louder (softer, clearer, slower, better).
  • Nothing there for me today, Larry.

I repeat. These “negative” responses were rare. It would be one person, on one particular Sunday in warm May or cold December. Weeks, even months, would go by and all was nice. The neutral remarks were neutral. The friendly smiles and hearty handshakes were abundant; frowns and furrowed brows were scarce.

And yet, those unsettling comments, whenever they came, seemed to stick with me like the proverbial pebble in the shoe. Even after a diligent search, the minuscule sliver of stone remained cleverly hidden, with each step feeling more like a boulder than a grain of sand.

Why do we—why do I—dwell on the negative?

On decades of Sundays, I sought to preach the good news that got Jesus nailed to a cross. How could I not expect to upset some folks? Didn’t most of Jesus’ disciples head for the hills when the rough going got really rough? Good old John the Baptizer, with far less verse time than Jesus, with a hard-edged message that could curdle your milk, didn’t just get a few snide comments from his detractors. He literally lost his head. If you’re gonna proclaim the Gospel, with integrity and honesty and vulnerability, there will be those listeners that get in a lather. A bright yellow warning label should be prominently displayed on every pulpit.

Right?

After the retired district superintendent huffed and puffed away, or after the guy that only appeared for Christmas and Easter berated my myth vs. fact musings on Bethlehem’s story, I remember being the last one left at church. I brooded. Silently prayed. Muttered aloud. Alone in the sanctuary, the lights off, the grand piano again covered until choir rehearsal, the leftover communion elements still to be put away, and there I was asking myself why I was such a lousy preacher.

A lousy person. A lousy . . .

How foolish to waste any time thinking that!

But now, with pulpits behind me, I suppose I still do.

Why do we so quickly and wrongly think so lowly about ourselves? Or maybe I’m the only one with self-doubts, with that pebble in the shoe that is as sneaky as it is sharp?

Not long ago, I stumbled across this from writer and educator Brené Brown‘s Braving the Wilderness:

Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission. Stop scouring people’s faces for evidence that you’re not enough. You will always find it because you’ve made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don’t negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against constant evaluation, especially our own. No one belongs here more than you.

Don’t I belong here with my faults? My mistakes. My old good or bad sermons. My next and new words that may hurt another, but even more my words that—I know in my heart of hearts—truly helped another.

Let me repeat Brené Brown’s declaration. To you. To me. No one belongs here more than you.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

12 Comments

  1. God made us human, frailties & all. Because of that we are hardest on ourselves. Let us live in the right NOW. We are Blessed beyond measure & loved by God always ♥️

  2. Once again excellent Larry. You know my greatest bugbear? There are times, occasionally when the wind is in the right direction, when I preach the most dynamic, soul-searching, challenging sermons, dotted with insights here and there to the original Greek or Hebrew text, with wonderful witty one liners and amusing anecdotes, that contain pearls of wisdom and grace – and no one notices, no one says a word.
    And then, those days when you feel grotty, have had less than 3 hours sleep, gave your sermon no preparation, you’ve tripped over every word possible, you’ve gone round and round in circles making absolutely no sense, someone comes up to you and says that’s the best sermon you’ve ever preached!
    How’s that work?
    Blessings my friend.

    1. Neil . . . isn’t that so true!!! The sermon that I know is lousy and poorly-prepared will truly touch another’s heart. It’s a mystery!!

  3. Okay, Larry, let’s reverse that. How about me as a responder to your column? I think I’m a pretty good writer, have the right academic credentials and when you write something I totally resonate with, I let you know. Also, if I have a different slant, I share that with you, too.
    Now, here’s the deal. I think ministers in general have pretty big egos otherwise getting up Sunday after Sunday to look out at all those faces – well, it just doesn’t make sense.
    Now, to my point: I am one of those hundreds that writes to you and my ego is big enough that I want you to remember me as me, not one of the masses.
    In order to do that, I’m going to have to begin all my comments from now on with – “Larry, that was the dumbest thing I ever heard! How did you ever get an M. Div.?
    Of course, the fine print (which you might not read) will tell you that your blog has saved me when I was at the lowest point I’d been for a long time; or that you made me laugh till I cried and that cleared my head; or I wish we would have known one another when I was still in CA – and the list could go on.
    I remember the negative, too. I think most of us do but you give us so many ways of changing that into something positive. Please do that tonight when we will be subjected to more negativity, immorality and just plain crap. Hmmm ever use that word in a sermon?

    1. Pat . . . me, use “crap” in a sermon? I think I was always a G-rated (or maybe PG-rated) preacher. I do recall a young pastor who worked with me using “shit stick” in her sermon. I thought, as the senior pastor, I would get emailed and phoned-in complaints about her in the following week. Nothing!!

  4. Larry, If you have not seen the film about Mr. Rogers, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor” do it now. I think you will love it and see the connection to your reflection today. John

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.