A Good Friday People

Try a word game with me . . .

Yesterday, Mary was born. Yesterday, Harry died.

Replace the last word in each of those sentences with a word or phase, as Merriam-Webster’s 10th Edition says, “that have the same or nearly the same meaning in some or all senses.”

Or, more simply, replace the word “born” or “died” with a synonym.

Hey, let’s make this a contest. I’ll take “died” and you take “born.” Whoever, in sixty seconds, gets the most synonyms takes the other out to lunch.

1-2-3 . . . Go!

Died.
Expired.
Met his maker. Kicked the bucket. Went home with God. Was taken by God (or the angels, or up to heaven). Crossed the Jordan. Passed. Passed on. Passed over. Left us. Left the room like Elvis. Sleeps with the fishes. Was lost.

How are you doing with “born?”

Now I’ll cheat and continue with suggestions from my handy Roget’s International Thesaurus . . .

Perished, had his last curtain call, dreamless sleep, departed, had a fatal encounter, gave up the ghost, surrendered, returned to dust, succumbed . . . and I could go on and on!

Whew. How are you doing? And where do you want to take me out to lunch?

At the last church I served, I offered a Lenten class using a resource entitled Living Fully, Dying Well. Appropriate .  . . since Lent prepares us for Easter, our momentous, mysterious and central celebration of life. Of resurrection! On Easter, we’ll joyously sing, “He is Risen!”

But, before Easter, death comes, unavoidably and uncomfortably stalking the story of faith. Or maybe not so unavoidable, since many skip Lent’s narrower side streets and dark alleys. People rarely “crowd” the church on Good Friday, when our faith tradition takes the final steps to the cross and tomb.

Thank you very much, but we prefer to ignore death. The plentiful synonyms to choose from (instead of saying “Yesterday, Harry died.”) confirm our efforts.

Humans are superstitious. Some of us think that merely mentioning the word (whisper it . . . “death”) might invoke it. If you talk to your loving life partner about writing a will then maybe he or she will soon “kick the bucket.” (A saying, according to the Morris Dictionary of Word and Phrase Origins, deriving from the sad act of suicide . . . “the bucket referred to is the pail traditionally used by the suicide to stand on while tying a noose around his neck. Then, with a kick of the bucket . . . “). Gulp.

It’s obvious why Advent is more popular than Lent. Birth vs. Death. And yet even that simplistic contrast ignores the Bible’s honesty. Death is part of the mythic birth stories of the Baby Jesus. Just read Matthew 2:13-19 for a reminder that there was more than a cozy manger or a few happy-go-lucky magi in the Christmas tale.

I recall asking the class members, “What was harder, talking to your children about sex or death?”

Everyone had had a conversation with children about sex. But not everyone had yet, even with his or her adult children, conversed about dying and death.

As a pastor, I am grateful for Lent’s rough, no-holds-barred journey toward Jerusalem and the end . . . and the beginning. I prepare for “celebrating” Good Friday with equal amounts of personal study, prayer and reflection as for the dawn of Easter. Death. Life.

One of the frequent scriptural reflections I use in this time of the year is the Bible’s so-called shortest verse: John 11:35. Upon hearing of his friend Lazarus’ death, “Jesus wept.” The Gospels, written by those who knew how they were going to end the story, whether it would be Lazarus’ rising or Jesus’ resurrection, don’t avoid the full truth of living and dying. Jesus wept. Death hurts. Death changes everyone.

And so does choosing life.

I typically avoid the wealth of synonyms that are readily available when I talk about life and death issues. I usually won’t say someone “passed” or is “lost.”

We are a Good Friday people along with being an Easter people. And the more we’re honest with our hopes and fears, with our longings and our losses, the more likely our faith will deepen. Good Friday silences our clever words while it bluntly, brashly invites us into some of our deepest places.

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7 Comments

  1. It took me about three minutes to come up with a reason we don’t discuss death with kids, or at least we don’t make a ritual of it between son and dad or mom and daughter. Sex is (or at least should be) very private. Only by really bad planning on their parents part are kids exposed to sex until the parents think they are ready…like after 10th grade biology class, if they are really bad procrastinators. But you simply cannot avoid death. My first experience was when I was nine, and my father’s mother passed away virtually in front of me, in her living room chair. For every veiled double entendre about sex on TV, there are a dozen murders on cop shows or deaths by war, accident, or murder on the news. And this is probably a good thing for kids; however, I frequently have to remind myself that the body lying there on the Medical Examiner’s table will stand up and have a cup of coffee when the director shouts “Cut!”

    1. Thanks for your comments! I also sometimes have to remind myself that a cup of coffee will soon be served to the “corpse” on CSI or NCIS after “Cut” is shouted!

  2. I usually visit you on Facebook , but tonight I came here. You make me think in different ways. Our paths to where we are are so different and I love you for what you show me.

    1. Hey, Maggie, thanks for taking the journey from Facebook to my website! How blessed we are to be different from others. How blessed to learn from you, and you from me. Paths that are different, but always shared. Hey, have a Happy, Joyous Easter!

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